fear mismanagement...

i fear...
there was this image of a mother's breast chukkichulinjhu and child waiting to be fed, ho
there was the image of that woman being illtreated in a prison bythe policemen
there is "rathrimazha innente rogoshna shayyayilll"
i bear all these images of threats in my daily life, and what a shavam i'm, with these damn images never letting me go on with peace...there is the unreliable images of keats grecian urn, there is the bridge image, the distance between the two ends of the malayalam letter "pa"...
on the whole
how horrible ahuman existence i'm....please dont love me, if your not rich in accommodating the stupities called me!.

how horrible!

njanethra daridrayanu, i'm afraid of distances...
i am also a double person, i have another one slowly growing inside me, without my rpior knowledge, she....
she is a reproach, my inability to live as myself in the world...where did i accept it?from when?
she is there neeeding human touch and love, is it lust?
she is there expressionless...
she didnt breath for fear of losing harmony with the world sreejitha has created, sreejitha is an identity that threatens her that suppress her that kills her,
all that goes in name of her, her rough and real existence is choked by sreejitha.
all that she wanted from thw rold is filtered through sreejitha's eyes and accomodated only the rearest compartments, at times...that too burned like the... how emtied of life how cruelly, those flesh "roasted" is the name they put it, the journalists(telegraph), human beings roasted alive...in Samjhouta express.

its strange.

its strange
that
i felt jealous today
i felt hurt in love
ha, but its is sweet...
sweet as the slow bleeding of a wound
in a dear and near injury
as which i had when
i fell with my kid...on way to bus.
i enjoyed the wet wound of childhood memories
of pain caused by misteps
and innocent
foolishness
i enjoy that
i can never expect hm to be true to me.

http://www.orkut.com/Album.aspx?xid=3216437446940482617&uid=15296138860735847942
wow that is everything about memories
holding dear...
but i know i will move from this phase and will leave attahments when it start paining too much.
loving is important even then,
to be able to know that transcience is the rule
and to be able to cradle dreams
life is there
to be together
knowing
u will be alone any next moment...
lost loves used to cry inside, but they ceased to be noisy
their cries are beautiful
they just existend, and all existence has its beauty and truth, wow life is beautiful..

innocence. laments.

ente aattinkutty karanjhu vilichondu oodipponuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

how to live with differences?

i left
many a people;
many a love; for they took different path.my lamb, cries hard in my hart.......

my friend's mother
who is in the verge of madness
and needs help
and love
my friend who loved me hard and
needed my guidance
another friend who is in love with me
for no reason other than differences.
when will i be able to live with differences?

Mourning

There are too much left behind
just because
it is once left behing
it was not without pain
it too deserves a space.
I mourn those places i left
for a better lifestyle
those frames i left
for a better perception
those persons i left
for a better consumption.
I do carry them inside
with different colours
and would list them, perhaps , here...